So maybe I should clarify that title.
Over the past couple of months I have been applying for placement positions out in the ‘real world’. Next year I will no longer be in the safety bubble that is university. I have opted to be thrown into the life of work for a year to gain ‘experience’.
To be honest, ever since I chose Economics, in the back of my mind I’ve felt this kind of fear about the future. I haven’t always wanted to study Economics (shocking considering I’m even dedicated enough to title my blog after it), but since I decided this was the path for me, I’ve felt this uneasiness about what the future could be. Economics is after all one of those degrees with which you could go on to do anything. That is probably one of the best and the worst parts about it. I am not constrained by I choice I made when I was 18 (we’ve all made stupid choices at 18) and yet the freedom is terrifying…
I could go into Finance, Accounting, Management, Enterprise, Policy and even Economic Research(really an Economics degree lets me do that?!).
Forsaking my degree, I could go into writing, music, art (all things I adore on the side) and not feel terrible about it because Economics is one of those ‘always applicable’ subjects.
So coming back to university in September, I heard some of my fellow classmates had already sorted their placements out. This made me feel even more inadequate. Where was my sense of urgency!? I had one, that’s for sure- a very uncertain, unfocused urgency.
There was a frenzy to research all the roles I had browsed earlier in the year.
“Time to make up your mind”
,my internal voice screamed at me.
I had never really considered myself one for ‘The City’. It had always seemed so….boring. I looked around anyway and realised something. Maybe it wasn’t so boring?!
Maybe 14/15 old me, in that rebellious, ‘I don’t do corporate/mainstream’ attitude that comes with being young had told me ‘The City’ wasn’t cool. Looking at it now- The City seems like the most wonderful place ever.
Yes, yes, there was that financial crisis and stuff and The City hasn’t seen that much great press recently, but have you walked around there? The City is one of the most alive places in London in my opinion. It is not dominated by tourists, but rather brisk walkers in their sharp suits. Their is a sense of refinement, yet chaos. Walk five minutes in the right direction and you’ll reach the buzzing streets of East London, currently seeing their renaissance. Another five minutes in the other direction and you’re in central central London with all its sights to see.
Which brings me to my first application:
The Bank of England.
Ever since I was little (perhaps more accurately, after watching Mary Poppins), The Bank of England has felt like one of the most important, solid institutions that the UK has. Right there with the Houses of Parliament or even the Queen, the Bank of England has been a symbol of honour, repute, power and success.
I looked at the role-economic research sounded fantastic! I wanted to help, I wanted to make an impact. I can write fairly nicely and I have a knack for solving things, “won’t you consider me please?”
So having eyed the positions all summer waiting for some more news, when the time came, I pounced. My application took me days to fill, just making the deadline by an hour in fact. (Maybe I’m a little bit of a perfectionist ok?)
Then the arduous wait proceeded. Nothing for a while. Then cryptic emails about the outcome of my application. Watching classmates and good friends see success in their applications to selection centre, I felt as if I had failed only to be reprieved in the final hour with an invite to selection centre! Hazaar!
That was now two weeks ago. Having been in the City in my power interview outfit (because everyone should have one of these), there was nothing that could stop me. I knew this is where I wanted to be. I could see myself being there.
I tried not to get ahead of myself.I tried to stop these images from torturing me, but to no avail.
A couple of nights ago I had a dream. There I was casually chatting to none other than Sir Mervyn King, the Governor of the Bank of England (in case you live under a rock or something). There we were laughing, joking like we were friends.
Now let me get this straight. In no way do I think that getting a year placement in the Bank of England, will make me best buds with the Governor, but my mind had subconsciously dreamt it. I don’t know if you believe in signs, but if ever I saw one, this was it.
Like my friend. Hiran said recently in his post ‘Rejection-Building Castles’, I had built these ‘giant castles in the sky in my mind‘ of which I had no right to do so.
Having today heard my wait has been extended a further week, whilst my friend has had an offer(and I am VERY happy for her), I wait anxiously to see what the future brings…all I want is a chance. I didn’t exactly ace the interview, I could have done MUCH better, but sometimes nerves do get the best of you. I tried and I know I have done all I can now do.
So now I’ll spend the next week watching the minute hand pass by, waiting for the phone to ring.
Bank of England won’t you call me maybe*?
*(ok that was a terrible attempt at a joke, but it stands).